Ego-Trippin' Out on a Mountain in the Sun

The Challenge

In true campy Top Model fashion the teaching part of this weeks challenge had our darling would-be models stuck in Miss Jay's make-believe "Fashion Madhouse". Here the girls would have their first moment of useless humiliation disguised as a lesson in fashion. Let's call it the straight jacket strut. The girls had to "work it" as much as they could while wearing a straight jacket in the "Fashion Madhouse". The method to the madness (I do wish I could take credit for that) being that the girls would have to wear constricting outfits on the runway sometimes and the straight jacket was going to help them. Miss Jay then got to make fun of the girls, which he did less than normal which really put a wet blanket on the whole thing. He seemed to enjoy Saleisha and Janet the most and gave a not-so-much to Heather and Bianca.

The straight jacket exercise all seemed worth it when the ladies got to their challenge for the week. They did a runway show for Colleen Quen with ANTM friend Roy Campbell as the emcee. The prize was a gig strutting in the Colleen Quen spring collection debut in Paris! All the girls did really well but there were a few snags. Heather needs to walk her neck because girl is looking like an Addams Family member, Jenah had some serious trouble walking because she had a train in the front and the back of her dress and did a poor job in pulling it off and Bianca (also known as Biatch) needs to soften her gangsta face. The most ridiculous accusation was when poor Ebony accidentally walked into Sarah on the runway and Roy Campbell accused her of doing it on purpose. What kind of fool would Ebony be to actually try to Tonya Harding someone right on the runway while being judged? This was obviously an error. A further error, according to Biatcha (oops) was that Saleisha won again although Bianca was the clear winner from what she could see. Apparently what she could see in her imagination was different than what we, in reality, could see.

The Photo Shoot

Matthew Jordan Smith came out to shoot the cover-babies in a rock-climbing meets high fashion shot. Hair, make-up and wardrobe were all amazing on this one, who knew that rock-climbing in a gown could be made to look so easy! It was nice for a change to not have anyone freak out because they were afraid of heights; even if some did play it up after they had already been up there and fine for awhile (shame on you, Lisa!). Jenah got to be the resident expert in this one due to her two years rock-climbing experience. This made for some fabulous posing and lots of compliments from Mr. Jay. Victoria got kudos for being pretty but she got a lot of awkward glances when Jay asked her what she was thinking during the shoot. I don't think he was expecting, "I felt like I was a sea nymph on acid scaling a wall in the sunshine." Aren't you glad you asked, Jay? On the opposite end of the spectrum Kimberly, last week's bitch of the week runner-up, played it completely safe and had us all practically falling asleep. Heather did an amazing job and all the girls clapped and said they were proud of her. Time to wake up girls, Heather is some serious competition and is going to take you all down at some point. She was first model called last week don't forget. Just because she has mild autism doesn't mean she can't be absolutely stunning!

Un-Model Behaviour of the Week

Bianca sharpened her claws for Saleisha this week. I guess the bitch and the ego couldn't stand each other anymore. It all came to a head in the midst of an afternoon bedroom chat with all the ladies discussing how it would be easier for someone like Saleisha, who has all sorts of modeling experience, to do the challenges. Bianca and Kim kept asking her questions and then all of a sudden Saleisha was on the bed waving her finger in the air saying that she was probably going to win and people needed to use that as motivation. I heard the sound of fifty young girls gagging up their bedtime snack voluntarily after Bianca called 115 lb Saleisha "borderline plus-size". It wasn't the prettiest argument but it was definitely the pettiest. The girls spent the rest of the episode bitching about each other and I'm at the point where I don't care if they're good or not, one of their asses needs to go home. All the girls in the house were giggling through the yelling. I guess it's more tolerable to watch this kind of ridiculous bickering when there's no TV in the house.

Psycho of the Week

I had to upgrade Bitch of the Week especially for Bianca based solely on this quote: "I'mma creep 'em where it hurts. I don't have to fight you to hurt you. I could really hurt you in this competition; I have no problem doing it. I'll get real grimy. I'll start cutting up clothes...I could break these bitches down one by one..." I think the part I find the saddest is that there are a bunch of girls sitting somewhere in America who happen to be Biatch's friends. Something tells me that instead of being embarrassed by their friend's ranting and terror they are saying, "That's my girl!" and "You told that bitch!" I find that rather unsettling...

Ego Trip of the Week

Saleisha may want to be a little careful or she'll have more enemies than just Bianca in the house. Saleisha has been modeling since she was fifteen, "print/run/all of it" and she's not shy to let you know. She tells the camera that she is "not starting from scratch" and that because "some of these girls have never been on a photo shoot and [she has]" she has an advantage. This girl needs to watch more cycles of Top Model because she better realize where her mouth and talent is going to take her. If she's that good to begin with the judges won't see any improvement in her and Tyra likes to see what all her embarrassing lessons have taught the girls so she can prove that they have purpose other than ratings.

Nice Girl of the Week

Unfortunately no one was nice enough to earn the title this week and I'm not about to just hand it out.

Honourable Mentions

Surprisingly Beautiful Pic of the Week- This week the honour belongs to Victoria. Who knew that she would actually look like a Sea nymph on acid scaling a wall in the sun? Whatever it looked like, it was stunning.

Sneaky Susan Move of the Week- At the beginning of the show Bianca was giving Kim, her closest friend in the house, really bad tips on her runway walk. Nothing is sacred for this girl.

Panel

The initial judgment of the models efforts wasn't too bad. The best part of the whole judging was when Biatcha's picture came up and the judges were so under whelmed that no one spoke for about ten seconds. Her face was very hard and she looked angry. Bianca claims that Jay told her to focus on one emotion and she found anger easiest. RED ALERT! If anger is the easiest emotion for you to invoke you might have repressed anger issues. She will now probably get to play the part of broke-down beauty when Tyra comes to do her one-on-ones and then she can change and Tyra can go back to praying to Lady Oprah of Good Deeds and Miraculous Transformations.

Jenah was a true hit and every judge loved her sense of balance and grace on that wall, she really came out of the woodwork this week. Victoria managed to again snap at poor Twiggy and all the judges had a good laugh about it when the girls left the room. In the end it came down to Bianca and Kimberly. They felt that Bianca looked awkward and Tyra was the only one who liked her picture. Kimberly has a great editorial look in real life but the judges didn't feel that it was translating on camera. A TYRAnny was proven when Biatch got to stay while the bitch-in-training, Kimberly, had to pack her things and move out of the house. Well, at least one of the nasty models is gone.

My Weekly Picks

Who I think should win: Heather
Who I think will win: Lisa
Who I think is the next to go home: Ambreal